Yes, I am a man hater.

Kim Catrall’s character from Sex and the City said it best when she said, “Men cheat for the same reason a dog licks themselves. Because they can”.

What is the definition of a man? I don’t mean the biological, “I have a penis” definition.  I suppose a better way to pose the question is, what defines a man? Moreover, a “good” man?  Most men would say that a “real” man is tough, doesn’t give in to emotion, spits, scratches their balls in public, and of course, the more women  they get in bed, the higher on the “man ladder” they are. My definition, however, says a man is honest, protective, but not possessive, funny, smart, and loyal. The sad thing is, I’ve only seen these attributes in one man…my brother. Why? Because he was surrounded by women for 23 years.

If we look back at history, even the most respected men couldn’t keep it in their pants. John Adams was rumored to have sent General Pickering to Europe to obtain mistresses. Thomas Jefferson fathered many illegitimate children from Sally Hemings. FDR had an affair with Lucy Page Mercer. Apparently, being in a wheel chair didn’t stop him from chasing tail. And there’s JFK. His affair pisses me off the most because what moron cheats on Jackie O’?  

This shows women that men don’t want a classy, intellectual girl. They want the easy ones because it’s less work. Those presidents had it made with their wives, and they screwed it up. Could you imagine Obama cheating on Michelle? That would be one domestic dispute I’d love to see.  Now men use excuses like, “I have commitment issues”, “I just want to have fun”, or the most recent popular excuse, “I’m a sex addict”. Bite me.

Someone please explain this to me. Why is monogamy harder to control then the damn economy? Why can’t love (and great sex) be enough for a man? No wonder women are crazy. We devote all this time to be perfect for them, and they just laugh in our faces whilst groping another girl on the front porch.

Not to say all women are innocent. Women cheat and lie like any other man. But the worst women are the man stealers.  You see, women have this power that all straight men worship; it’s located between our legs. Man stealers see a man they want, don’t care if he has a significant other, and they pursue.  Those women abuse the power the God has given them to hurt others, and spread herpes.

My solution for adulterous men and women? Castration!  Congratulations to me. I just solved all the world’s problems.

The worst part of it all, the “good” women are left with two options: suffering and heartache. Or we take them back and forever wonder if they’re being faithful. I would like to pretend I’m Super Woman and say “f--- that” to those options, but that pesky love-thing gets in the way. Our heads are filled with mixed thoughts, hurt feelings, and good memories of the relationship.  So what do we do? Forgive and forget? Or attempt to move on, when in reality you lose eight pounds in three days and cry yourself to sleep.  Castration sounds nice, huh?

Do you think I'm pretty?

They say “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. Well, what my eye is beholding, I’m not a fan of.

For years I struggled with my physical image. I had every eating disorder under the sun, I never went anywhere without make up on, and looking in the mirror was a difficult and emotional task. Probably for the same reason most people go through similar events, I wanted to be…beautiful.

As a kid, I would dream about waking up as someone else, someone beautiful. My life would start all over and everything would be perfect. Now, I dream someone will give me a few thousand dollars for plastic surgery. Any sugar mommas in the house?

I realize most women are in my boat; even those perfect women that I envy have their “ugly” days. More importantly, everyone has flaws; no one is perfect, and if they claim to be, I’m sure their personality is what makes them ugly.  But why can’t I be happy in my own skin, flaws and all? Or why can’t I be seen as the person that I am, not the size of my hips?

I would like to blame men or the media for the harsh way I look at myself; men all have this illusion of what women should look like, while the media pressures women to be perfect. Sure, we can blame them for all of our problems, but we should be looking at ourselves, too. We might be impressionable, some more than others, but I’ll give the finger to any magazine or man who thinks they can try and change me.

Not to say wanting to look your best is a bad thing; even after this epiphany, I still want a boob job. The difference is I’m doing it for myself. Not my boyfriend. Not to impress others. Me. Because if I’m going to have these hips, I want boobs to balance them out. But I digress.

It doesn’t matter what you want to do, as long as you do it for the right reason. The old expression, “you must love yourself before you can love others”, is quite accurate. People and their relationships (love, friendship, or otherwise) can be destroyed because of a beauty complex. Don’t ever expect for the person you love to fill whatever void you had beforehand.  That’ll never happen and it’s not fair to either of you. You’re a person, not a charity case. Love yourself first, and then you can love others. And if that means dying your hair purple and getting a spray tan, more power to you.

 Perfection is a pipe dream that people have been chasing for years. It has no true definition when it comes to humans, and honestly, has no place in my world. If everyone looked the same, the world would be incredibly dull and who would want that?

Take a moment and look at yourself, look at your flaws and embrace them. Those are the things that make us human. We can complain about them, embrace them, or fix them, as long as we recognize that no matter what, we are beautiful.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness. We’re taught to forgive people no matter the situation. We’re taught it’s the right thing to do and you always want to be the “bigger person”. Or we’re taught to forgive them, even if they’re not sorry. I say, f--- that.

Everyone makes mistakes. No one is perfect. Those aspects are what makes us human. We all say or do things that can potentially hurt others, but when is it ok not to forgive?  And can not forgiving someone be justified? I like to believe that forgiveness, like trust or respect, should be earned. One cannot assume that just because the person you hurt is “good”, they will forgive you right away. That would make the “good” people everywhere pushovers.

Because of my past and current situations, I have a lot of patience and a high tolerance for certain things; rude people, immaturity, drunken fights, etc. Strictly because I would hate for someone not to forgive me because of something stupid I said whilst intoxicated.  It happens. I’ll admit when I’m wrong, and then bake them cookies. Forgiveness granted.

What I can’t, and will never forgive, is dishonesty.  I have never been able to wrap my mind around a good reason to lie to a person. Why? Because there isn’t a good reason to lie, ever! Even in the event of sparing a person’s feelings, just be honest.  If they find out you lied, you suffer consequences of them not forgiving you. But your conscience is clear if you’re honest. You’ve done nothing wrong. However, if you’ve done something that can hurt others, be honest. Though it may have been a mistake, or not, the right thing to do is to tell the truth. It hurts less that way. But then that begs the question, should you forgive people if they hurt you, even if they were honest. Though it may seem like a copout answer, it depends on the situation and how badly you’re hurt.

I’m a firm believer in not forgiving people if they lie to you. It shows they have no concern for your feelings, not to mention, a lack of respect for you. Consider this, if everyone in the world was honest, we would have more forgiveness, and potentially, peace. And who doesn’t want that?

Why I Write

Rainforest

I remember my mother picking on me as a child because I was always wasting paper.  She said that I killed the rainforest.

As a child, I wrote short stories about any and everything. They didn’t make sense, nor were they very good, but I wrote them and they were mine to love. Writing has always been something that appealed to me, and just like Orwell, I knew I was meant to write. I’m just not sure in what capacity.

At first, I wanted to be a music journalist, covering all the famous bands and musicians, and to have my name published in Rolling Stone Magazine…that would be the end all, be all. But since the decline of main stream music, I lost interest. I never had the want, nor the patience to write a book, so that was never a goal I set. Now, I’m all about columns. Ever since I got my first taste of being a columnist two years ago, it's all i want. For one reason only, the freedom. Whatever I think or say goes. There are no limitations, no rules, it’s a freeing experience.

Being a columnist gives me a sense of accomplishment. It allows me to bring out my creative side, while having the ability to speak my mind. Whenever an idea pops in my head, I grab whatever is around me and quickly jot it down, even if I’m sleeping. My worst nightmare is writer’s block. I know it happens to all of us, even the greats, but the feeling is crippling. And then of course, I’m constantly changing things. Nothing is ever done until it’s pried out of my hands. Writing for me is an obsession, really.